The Next Step

About a week ago, I was talking with J about the orphanage he and AR are planning out. They bought 5 acres of land in a mountainous region and want to grow vegetables and produce eggs and milk for the orphanage with enough left over to sell to people outside the orphanage. He started talking about chickens and I immediately mentioned my experience with chickens and how much I love them. Then the subject of sheep came up, where I immediately objected because I hate sheep and also suggested goats, because goats are awesome. The next question from J was whether or not I knew anything about making cheese. Well, let me tell you about the number of times I made goat cheese in my kitchen... :D

They’re making plans to build a number of houses there. Not big dorm rooms where the kids would be divided by age and gender and then came together for meals in a huge cafeteria. J and A believe that no child should grow up in a dorm room eating in a cafeteria, so they’re building houses to house the kids. Each house would have 4 to 5 kids under the care of one “house mom.”

My heart leapt. How many times had I joked about needing to find a “Honduran camp”? A place that combined my love and skills with animals with my passion for orphans and all located in Honduras. I had joked about it many times, but on the inside, I longed for it desperately. I kept it to myself because I didn’t think it was something that could ever become a reality. I didn’t know how I would even begin to build something like that, and I surely didn’t think a place like that existed.

At the time, the only help I offered was in giving advice and picking out chickens, because I didn’t want to jump into a commitment without knowing that it was something God wanted me to do. I decided to proceed prayerfully and as I prayed my initial “ok, God, I’m going to pray about this for a while” prayer, He told me 5 days. I was leaning toward praying for a week like I did when I made my decision to move here, but He clearly told me just 5 days, so I eagerly agreed to it and set about to waiting upon the Lord.

Fast forward four days, and I was invited out to eat by S, one of the teachers at the school who speaks English. She had brought along a friend of hers, An, who is from Pennsylvania and is working here as a missionary at an orphanage. S also volunteers her time at that orphanage, nicknamed Hogar. S works with the teenage girls, taking just a few out every week for dinner or a movie or a walk around the mall, mentoring them and helping them figure out life. After An, S, S’s kids and I had our own fun outing, I got a tour of Hogar when we were dropping An off.

It was a huge orphanage, comfortably housing about 90 kids. They had dorms spread out around the large property, separated by a big grassy field where the kids were running around and playing. There, the kids all eat in a big cafeteria setting and live in dorms separated by age and gender. They have to clean their room and other areas every night, including the stacks of dishes in the kitchen.

I had barely been there a minute when one of S’s girls gave me a big hug in greeting. I felt her brokenness like a punch in the gut and knew God was about to awaken a part of me that I had forgotten about, pushed to the side, and made to be silent. In the under 3 nursery area, a boy around 1 reached up to me so I held him as the other kids gathered around to watch me as well. He just wanted to be held. Little ones rarely have more demands than to be fed, dry, and held.

As I waited for S outside while she dealt with a “bathroom issue” with her son, I got summoned by a group of 6 or so pre-teen boys who were gathered around a table. They had laid out on the table a multitude of earrings that they were trying to sell to raise money for some type of activity. They were quite the salesmen, with many exclamations of how beautiful the various pairs were, and how the one pair came with a bracelet, and how cheap they were... Sadly for them I didn’t have many small bills on me and I strongly suspected they wouldn’t have change for what I had. I am hoping to go back soon with smaller bills and buy some... They were pretty earrings.

We then got to the younger kids’ housing area, for ages 4 to 9. One girl there ran up to me with open arms and I eagerly accepted her, lifting her up to me. She smiled at me after I gave her a kiss on the cheek and only then bothered with an “Hola!” She proceeded to ask me how I was and point things out to participate as some of the other kids were showing S around their living areas. I carried her over to the boys’ side of the young kids’ dorm where they had a GIANT stuffed bear that had been donated by Coca Cola which the boys apparently like to sleep on. Laid out, the bear was probably over half the size of a twin mattress, so that was neither surprising or unreasonable.

It was time to head back to the car, and I regrettably put down my new friend, giving her several more kisses and a tight hug. I was mostly quiet on the way back, asking S questions so she would talk and not ask me what I had thought of the orphanage. My emotions were swirling and I needed some time to process everything I was feeling. It felt like my heart had been broken and stolen in the most wonderful way, but also in a way that meant I had to do something about it.

So there was my answer. Orphans. I was always meant to help orphans. I have always had a heart for the broken, and I have always wanted to help the lost children find their way into God’s Kingdom. I don’t know what the next step will be. I am hoping to go with J and some others on Saturday to see the property that God’s given him for their orphanage. Maybe God will give me more direction then. Maybe I am supposed to help them.

All I know right now is that working at the school and being here in San Pedro was the first step. When God and I were talking the other day, I felt like He was about to entrust me with something huge because I had been faithful with something small, and I was quick to make excuses. He said He was going to do something big with me, and I said I’m just one person. Then He reminded me of the passage I had read just that morning in Hebrews. Chapter 11 gives a whole list of “heroes of the faith” including Abraham, Abel, Rahab, Moses, Jacob, and so many others. Then Chapter 12 starts off with this verse:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (Hebrews 12:1-2)

God reminded me by name of a couple of the people on that list, as well as Paul, whose letters I’ve been reading through, and that each one of them was just one person. It’s not up to me to question what the Lord has for me to do. It’s not up to me to question who the Lord made me to be. It’s not up to me to decide what I can and cannot do. God is God, and if He says He’s going to do great things through me, then it’s all the more a miracle because I know He’ll be able to do things through me that I can’t do myself. Nobody in the Bible who is considered a great hero of faith did so on their own. All they had was the sense to step aside and let God work through them, and so He did.

I am continuing to pray daily for God to increase my faith and guide my steps. He has already blessed me with a number of friends here as well as awesome students at school (I will hopefully get together a list of fun school stories very soon). He has also blessed me with a true hunger for reading His word, which I do daily not out of a sense of duty, but out of an excitement to be able to get into His word every morning.

Please continue to pray for me as I pray for all of you. Pray that God will keep bringing people into my path that I can connect with. Pray that God continues to break down my walls and pride when it comes to communication. Pray that I don’t take another step without Him and that everything would be made clear in His perfect timing.

My prayer for all of you:

I pray that you will see God in everything, no matter where you are.

I pray that you will have the same or even a greater hunger than I have for reading His word.

I pray that you will take time to reflect and see what areas in your life are from God and where you’ve allowed the enemy to work.

I pray that you will see the bigger picture that God has for your life and that you will not be discouraged to follow through with the plans He gave you.

I pray that you will continue to seek His faith and grow into a deeper and deeper understanding of His love for you.

Amen.

P.S. If any of those prayers really stood out to you, please let me know so I can pray more with you, and please don't ignore the nudge you may have felt. That nudge was from Him, so ask Him what your next step should be.