As I write this, it's about 24 hours until I'll be in Michigan (aka "the frozen north") for a week-long visit with friends and family members, and I have mixed feelings about leaving.
Last time I was here, the 3 month mark of my stay here ended shortly before Christmas, and my favorite cousin flew me home as a surprise to my parents, brothers, and some other friends. At that point in my stay here, I was depressed and homesick, and I welcomed the visit with wide open arms. I was blessed to have 2 weeks with my family before I had to fly back. But I had found out that I was going to face a week alone upon my return to Honduras because of a miscommunication as to when classes started up again. But, God was good and my flight was cancelled due to snow, so I asked for a flight later in the week and got 5 extra days.
This time, I'm again at the 3 month mark and it feels like I've been here forever and I don't want to leave. Not only have I recently met a guy that I spend a lot of time with (not dating anyone til at least May.... long story maybe for another day), but I also have friends here, and a life here. At school, we're giving exams this week, and I don't like that I'm not going to be here to give them to them. I've made them up, printed them out, and wrote instructions on how to give them, but feel like I should be here for them. I have a tennis lesson on Saturday, church on Sunday, and Bible study on Monday that I'm missing.
I'm so glad I feel this way, because I know that my heart is finally in the right place. I'm not just existing here because God told me to, so I'm going to be here and pretend like I'm living out His plan for my life. I'm actually living here and building up a community of people around me, living here because this is where God wants me, so I'm going to go out and do what He has me doing here. I know I'm not all the way yet, but I'm working on it, and constantly taking steps toward Him.
One of the things I've always struggled with in life is growing in my relationship with God, especially in the areas of reading the Word and being in prayer. Although I still have a lot to work on in regards to prayer, I am daily in the Word and eating it up like it's life, and it has become life to me. I can feel it strengthening me each and every day, and I feel myself growing closer to God and having peace in the midst of storms and I'm gaining knowledge that I can then use in the day-to-day moments, and that I can share with others. It's been amazing.
In the past, I've never been so focused on God, and always found other things to fill those spaces with. At camp, I filled them with other people (good people, but still) and working, serving, and playing hard. When I was here in Honduras before, I tried filling them with myself and that just led to depression. But now, I'm putting God first and seeking Him first, and finding that (as Scripture promises) everything else is coming to me. I have good friends and I feel good about myself. I have a lot of opportunities to serve in love, I work hard with awesome kids, and have plenty of time left over every day for fun.
Recently, I faced a situation where I realized that if I pursued what I wanted (sin), I would be back to the way I was before and would be away from God once again. The very idea that I would be apart from God was so painful to me I cried, and I fled from that sin. The temptation still pounds at my door, but I won't open that door because I will NOT lose this relationship that I have with God right now. I will NOT allow sin to come between me and my God. I will NOT go back to the way I was.
So, in about 24 hours I'll be back in Michigan for a short visit, and I have mixed feelings, but they're the best mixed feelings I've ever had, and clear evidence that I'm right where I need to be doing what I need to do.
Please be praying for me as I travel to and from Michigan. I'm fighting some sort of cough/sinus infection right now, so please pray for healing as I down cups of tea, water, and Emergen-C like it's all going out of style. Praise God it's not bad right now so flying shouldn't bother me too much more than usual (God knows I HATE flying because I don't fly well....). Please pray that I continue to resist temptation as I grow more and more in my relationship with God and with my relationships with others. Please continue praying that I grow in understanding of the language so I can better serve these beautiful people in Honduras. And please be praying for my relationship with the guy that I met, that I seek God first and make wise decisions.
And if there's anything I can pray for you for specifically, please let me know!!!
